Turkeys and Nobodies
by Follow-The-Firefly
Summary: What an interesting holiday this is going to be. Rated T for Teen. Implied AkuRoku and Zemyx. holiday-fic. ONESHOT


**Disclaimer: If I owned this, I'd probably be committed somewhere.**

**Hey yo! It's Xero! and this is my very late Thanksgiving story. I was supposed to have it done by Thanksgiving, but life got in the way. I hope this is worth the wait. Let the deadly tale begin!  
**

The Room Where Nothing Gathers was filled with fourteen Nobodies, all but one of whom was asleep, since Xemnas' voice can do that to just about anyone. Number one was giving the weekly report on the condition of Kingdom Hearts, that atrocious force that supposedly gives Nobodies hearts of their own. Nearly everyone in the Organization had given up on finishing Kingdom Hearts since every time they were almost finished, Sora came along and destroyed it, forcing the Nobodies to start over again. So what was really the point of trying to achieve something that they would never get?

Xemnas, deciding that the meeting was drawing to a close, asked the question that signaled the end of the meeting: "Who has something to bring up?"

However, when Xemnas asked this question, he got no response. This was, of course, because everyone was asleep. Demyx was singing a rather outlandish rendition of _The Kinslayer, _which was especially strange since the Melodious Nocturne couldn't sing lower than middle C. Axel kept mumbling something about elves and Luxord was apparently dreaming that he was playing a game of poker with a goat and a penguin.

Deciding that enough was enough, Xemnas sent his crimson laser beams into the room, making sure that the Nobodies woke up. And they certainly did; it's not like anyone could sleep through Xemnas' "light show" as Luxord like to call it.

"What gives, Superior?" Vexen demanded when he woke up.

"You all know you can't sleep through meetings!" Xemnas exclaimed.

"Then you shouldn't sound so boring." Axel yawned.

"It's not his fault." Larxene said, stretching her arms above her head. "Superior's naturally boring like that."

"Don't forget, Larxene, that I can have you turned into a Dusk at any time." Xemnas said, sending a glare in the direction of the Savage Nymph.

"Yes, sir." Larxene said with false respect.

"So who wants to bring up something?" Xemnas asked, turning back to the group at large.

Demyx raised his hand and asked, "Um, can we have Thanksgiving this year?"

As one, the rest of the Organization looked at the Melodious Nocturne in surprise. What in the world possessed Demyx to want to celebrate Thanksgiving? It was absolutely unheard of.

"Dem, what have you ingested and who gave it to you?" Axel asked, looking at IX with a confused expression on his face.

"I had a bowl of Cheerios this morning." Demyx grinned.

"That wouldn't have anything to do with his hyperactivity." Xion said, resting her elbow on her abnormally high chair.

"Well, it might." Roxas said. "Luxord could've slipped crack into it."

"Which I didn't do." Luxord added quickly.

"You could've." Saïx agreed. "You do stuff like that all the time."

"We need to get back on subject." Xemnas said. Facing Demyx, he asked, "Why do you want to have Thanksgiving this year?"

"Because it would be fun?" Demyx's response was a question.

"Demyx, you say that about everything." Zexion didn't look up from his copy of _The Goodness Gene_.

"But that's because it's true!" Demyx exclaimed.

"Well, visiting that godforsaken petting zoo certainly wasn't." Xigbar muttered under his breath.

"Nor was that trip to Acadia." Roxas shook his head slowly, remembering an obviously painful escapade.

"I don't see any reason why we can't celebrate Thanksgiving." Xemnas shrugged, brushing his silver hair from his shoulders. When the rest of the Organization gave him a blank look, he responded by saying, "Well, it's not like you all do anything."

"But that doesn't mean that we want to celebrate some sodding holiday!" Luxord exclaimed.

"Well, we might as well do something." Xemnas said.

"But I have my mission in the Land of Dragons!" Xigbar exclaimed. "I have to destroy that giant Heartless, remember?"

"I did that yesterday." Marluxia said, running his fingers through his baby-pink hair.

"Then why did Saïx give me the order today?" Xigbar questioned.

"Because Saïx is weird like that?" Zexion suggested.

"I heard that, Zexion." Saïx glared at the Cloaked Schemer.

"That aside," Xemnas said "we should start preparing immediately."

"Yay!" Demyx squealed in an amazingly fangirlish manner.

"Right now?" Axel asked lazily. "Why?"

"Because Thanksgiving is tomorrow." Xemnas said.

"You mean today, Superior." Lexaeus said.

"No, I mean tomorrow, Lexaeus." Xemnas told the Silent Hero.

"No, he means today." Axel said, running his hand through his crimson spikes.

"And why is that, Axel?" Xemnas faced the crazed pyro.

"Because it's almost two in the sodding morning." Axel said, peridot eyes narrowed in annoyance.

"Is it really?" Xemnas was clearly surprised by this new information.

"Yes." Larxene, Roxas, Marluxia and Xion said together.

"Well, I shall give out jobs for everyone for this holiday before we end the meeting." Xemnas said.

"And why do we need jobs?" Axel was feeling rather annoyed.

"Because things won't get done if we don't assign jobs, Axel." Xemnas told Axel before turning to Demyx and saying, "Demyx, since this was _your_ idea, you will be in charge of making sure everyone is doing their job."

"You give him the easy job?" Roxas protested.

"Roxas, don't you start complaining." Xemnas ordered. "You've been hanging around Axel too much."

"Hey!" Axel glared at Xemnas in protest.

"Zexion and Axel will be in charge of cooking food." Xemnas said.

"That's absolutely ridiculous, Superior!" Zexion protested. "How are we supposed to cook all that food by ourselves! And you know Axel will burn everything!"

"Shut up, Zexion." Axel snapped.

"If you are having difficulties, you may ask other members to help you." Xemnas said calmly.

"Like _that's _going to happen." Larxene hissed under her breath.

"Marluxia, you will be in charge of decorations." Xemnas said, facing the pink haired neophyte. "And everyone else will help out in any way they can."

"So Roxas, you should make sure your boyfriend doesn't set things on fire." Lexaeus said to the Key of Destiny.

"I'm not a pyro, Lexaeus." Axel glared at the Silent Hero.

"I wouldn't be too sure of that." Roxas said, giving his boyfriend an anxious glance.

"All right, so the meeting is now adjourned." Xemnas announced, seeing that everyone had started arguing about what they were supposed to be doing.

* * *

A few hours later, Demyx was skipping down the seventh floor corridor, on his way to Axel's room so the Flurry of Dancing Flames could start preparing Thanksgiving dinner with Zexion, who was currently "emo-ing" in a corner somewhere about having to spend several hours with the deranged pyro.

Wow, that's a long sentence, isn't it? Ah well.

Once he reached Axel's room, Demyx ignored the rather large sign on the door that proclaimed, "DO NOT ENTER" and walked right inside. This is not something I'd advise you to do. What if Axel had decided to create a minefield in the middle of his bedroom floor? Not very likely, but it could happen.

After walking inside, Demyx was quite surprised to learn that Axel was still asleep. Granted, Axel was well known for sleeping through an entire day (he's done it before), but Demyx would not stand for it today.

"Wake up, Axel." Demyx said, gently shaking VIII.

"What the fuck do you want, Demyx?" Axel groaned as he buried his head underneath the covers.

"You need to start to get dinner ready." Demyx said softly, knowing Axel would raise hell if he didn't.

"What time is it?" Axel demanded.

"Six." Demyx replied.

Even though Axel still had his covers over his head, Demyx could tell that the fire manipulator was glaring at him as he said, "You woke me up at six in the sodding morning for this?"

"You need to get an early start." Demyx said. "Come on, Axel! It's Thanksgiving!"

"I'm well aware of that, Demyx." Axel said.

"Don't you have anything you're thankful for?" Demyx asked.

"I _would _be thankful if you let me go back to sleep." Axel hissed angrily, clearly annoyed for having been awakened at such an ungodly hour.

"Seriously, Axel!" Demyx exclaimed.

"I'm thankful for my boyfriend." Axel sighed. "_Now _can I go back to bed?"

"Nope." Demyx said, yanking the covers off the bed. "Time to get up."

"But I don't want to get up!" Axel yelled in protest.

"Come on, Axel."

Demyx and Axel looked at the door to see Roxas standing in the doorway, with a mysterious smile set on his lips.

"Roxas, he won't leave me alone!" Axel protested, as if his boyfriend could really do anything about the situation. "And I want to go back to sleep!"

"Yeah, Lexaeus woke me up about half an hour ago with his accursed weight lifting." Roxas shuddered as he crossed the room and sat down on Axel's bed. "It was God-awful."

"I can only imagine." Axel said, slowly getting out of bed.

"So let's get going, babe." Roxas said, giving Axel a quick kiss.

"Don't start it now, Roxas." Demyx said, throwing a nearby pen at the blonde.

"I just kissed him, Demyx!" Roxas exclaimed. "It's not like I was about to take his clothes off!"

"I wish you would." Axel said, his lips forming a smile.

"You can save the sex for later." Demyx said, tossing Axel his black cloak that had been resting on Axel's desk chair. "Just get going, Axel."

* * *

Xigbar stumbled from The Attic That Never Was, trying to make his way to the Room Where Nothing Gathers to give Marluxia a box of Christmas lights. Now it may seem strange to be stringing Christmas lights for Thanksgiving, but Luxord thought that it would be amusing to switch the regular light bulbs with light bulbs that resembled turkeys.

"It's about damn time, Xigbar." Marluxia said from atop Zexion's chair, which was several feet in the air.

"Well, I couldn't find them." Xigbar set the box on the ground. "Larxene had a bunch of her knives up there."

"It shouldn't have taken you _that_ long to find them." Marluxia said, jumping down from the chair and inspecting the box. "Xigbar…"

"Yes, Marluxia?" Xigbar asked warily.

"Why did you bring me a box of your ammo?" the neophyte gazed at the gun otaku.

"I _didn't _bring you my ammo." Xigbar said.

"Really?" Marluxia questioned. "Then why is there a box of 308 ammo here?"

"There shouldn't be." Xigbar said, sauntering over to the box.

And there, in the cardboard box, was a box of 308 ammo, much to the surprise and astonishment of Xigbar.

"What the fuck is this doing here?" Xigbar demanded.

"How should I know?" Marluxia shrugged as he walked over to Xion's chair to string up more lights. "It's your ammo."

* * *

Zexion walked out of the Library That Should Not Exist Anyway, having just finished his meeting with Xemnas. Number one wanted to know just what Zexion and Axel were planning on making for Thanksgiving dinner. Zexion, having no idea what was usually served for such an occasion, had simply said that they would be preparing steaks and French fries, which did not go over well with Xemnas. The Superior had ordered that a traditional meal be served, or VI and VIII would be turned into Dusks.

When Zexion returned to the Kitchen That Never Was, he found quite an unusual sight before him. Axel had taken the iHome hostage and was now blasting the musical content of his crimson iPod at alarmingly loud decibel levels. So loud, in fact, that Zexion was sure that Mary Queen of Scots could hear, never mind the fact that she was long dead.

Axel was dancing to some strange form of techno that was playing from the iPod speakers, which really shouldn't have surprised Zexion, since it was a well known fact that the Flurry of Dancing Flames listened to just about every genre of music from every inch of the world.

"Axel, what in _hell_ are you listening to?" Zexion wondered as he pulled random ingredients from the pantry.

"_Firestarter_." Axel grinned deviously.

"How appropriate." Zexion noted. "We really need to get started."

"Aww, says who?" Axel demanded.

"Says Xemnas." Zexion started to work on the turkey. "Look, I'll work on the turkey. You start working on the cranberry sauce."

"Okay, okay." Axel protested. "But the music stays. Got it memorized?"

"Yes, I've memorized it." Zexion said. "Just get your arse in gear, Axel."

"I'm going, I'm going!" Axel exclaimed, sauntering over to the fridge. "Now…what exactly do cranberries look like?"

Zexion smacked his face with the centre of his palm and said, "They're small red berries."

"Okay, so like this?" Axel asked, showing the Cloaked Schemer a bag of strawberries.

"No, more like this." Zexion tossed Axel a bag of cranberries. "It kinda says cranberries right on the bag."

"Oh, it does, doesn't it?" Axel shrugged. "Ah well."

"Now get started." Zexion said, turning back to the turkey on the counter.

At that moment, however, Luxord decided to amble into the room, smelling strongly of Jack Daniel's. The Gambler of Fate was obviously drunk, since he had tripped over his feet several times and that was before he even walked into the Kitchen.

"How's it going, Luxord?" Axel questioned, adding nuts to the cranberries.

"I'm drunk!" Luxord proclaimed needlessly.

"No kidding?" Zexion questioned.

"Ssho now Imma gunna put shome rum intha cranburriesh." Luxord announced.

"What in the name of Shiva are you doing, Luxord?!" Axel yelled as he watched the Gambler of Fate dump an entire bottle of Captain Morgan in the cranberries.

"Imma faerie!" Luxord shouted at the top of his lungs before passing out cold on the floor.

"Well, this will be interesting." Axel said. "What in the name of all that is holy are we going to do with the cranberries?"

"We'll have to throw them out, Axel." Zexion rolled his eyes. "What else?"

"There's no way in hell that I'm remaking this sauce!" Axel protested.

"Well, you're going to have to." Zexion said, now working on the yams.

"No, I don't think I will." Axel said.

"Yeah, because you really want your boyfriend to get drunk off of cranberries." Zexion knew Axel would see to reason if Roxas was in the conversation.

Axel instantly thought of Roxas acting like a drunken Luxord and said, "Fine. But Luxord's getting the rum-filled cranberries."

* * *

"Vexen, what in _hell_ is going on down there?!"

Vexen had been in the Lab That Never Was That Is Often Mistaken For Subarctic Climates when the roar of the Superior echoed throughout the Castle That Should Not Be. This wasn't a surprise; after all, Xemnas was always yelling at someone.

"I'm working on something down here, Superior!" Vexen yelled randomly, knowing Xemnas would hear him no matter where he was.

"And _what _exactly would that be, Vexen?" Xemnas demanded as he stormed into the frigid lab.

"I'm working on a way to keep food heated for an extended period of time." Vexen said, removing a pair of goggles from his head and taking off his rubber gloves.

"You mean something like a heating pad?" Xemnas raised an eyebrow.

"No, something that lasts longer than a heating pad." Vexen said. "I'm trying to make something that will last for hours."

"Thus the explosion?" Xemnas gestured to the room around them, which looked as if the atomic bomb had been dropped.

"Exactly." Vexen nodded. "But it's not going so well."

"Evidently not, Vexen." Xemnas said. "I need you to help Marluxia with decorating."

"But he's going to-" Vexen started to protest.

"I thought you'd want to work with your boyfriend." Xemnas frowned, knowing that Vexen and Marluxia could become like Roxas and Axel.

"I do, but Marluxia can be a bit…distracting at times." Vexen said. "And besides, I still need to finish my experiment."

"Vexen, you never finish an experiment." Xemnas pointed out.

"Actually, I finished the experiment where I personified a desk lamp." Vexen corrected the Superior.

"Oh, right." Xemnas said. "I completely forgot about that."

"So can I finish my experiment?" Vexen asked hopefully.

"Absolutely not!" Xemnas exclaimed. "I told you to work with Marluxia and that is where you're going to do."

Vexen scowled in protest, but said, "Okay, fine."

* * *

After Xaldin almost turned the Castle into cottage cheese, after Marluxia turned the Castle into a holiday light fest, after Axel nearly set the entire non-existent world on fire, all fourteen members of the Organization were sitting at The Giant Table That Resembles That Resembles The Lab Table In The Lab That Should Not Exist eating their Thanksgiving dinner.

You think there are enough capital letters in that sentence? It's definitely long enough, if nothing else.

"Well, good work everyone." Xemnas said as everyone sat down at the extremely long table for dinner at six thirty that night.

"I wish we never had to do it in the first place, Demyx." Axel sent a glare down the table to the Melodious Nocturne.

"It was fun and you know it." Demyx shouted back down the table before snuggling against Zexion, who just so happened to be sitting next to him.

"Oh yes, because I love getting up at ungodly hours of the day." Axel's voice was full of sarcasm.

"Zexion, why are there two bowls of cranberry sauce?" Lexaeus asked form where he sat between Xaldin and Saïx.

"Ask Axel." Zexion pointed to the Flurry of Dancing Flames.

"Axel?" Xemnas asked.

"Luxord got drunk and decided to dump an entire bottle of Captain Morgan into the cranberries." Axel said. "So if anyone wants to get drunk, then eat those cranberries."

"Just make sure Luxord doesn't get them." Xaldin said as he carved the turkey.

"Oh, I already have a massive hangover, so I'm fine." Luxord said.

"Since when has that ever stopped you?" Demyx asked.

"Since he almost jumped off the balcony." Saïx explained.

"Kinda wish he had." Larxene said wishfully. "It'd be a lot quieter around here."

"I don't think that'd ever happen, Larxene." Marluxia said.

"We'd have to get rid of Axel first." Vexen said, glancing at the pyro.

"Shut up, Vexen." Axel glared at the lightning wielder.

"Will someone pass the rolls down this way please?" Lexaeus asked from the opposite end of the table.

"Here ya go, Lexaeus." Roxas tossed a roll to the Silent Hero, but hit Marluxia instead.

"Watch it, Roxas!" Marluxia hissed angrily.

"Watch it, babe." Axel said to his boyfriend. "Marluxia can get pretty nasty."

"I_ can_ hear what you guys are saying." Marluxia said, glaring at XIII and VIII.

"Oh, we know." Roxas said as he started passing around the pumpkin pie.

"You're not much of a threat, Marluxia." Xion said.

"You've been around VIII and XIII too much, Xion." Xemnas said.

"Probably, Superior." Saïx nodded in agreement.

"So how long did it take you guys to make everything?" Xaldin asked Axel and Zexion.

"A few hours until Axel decided he could stop setting things on fire." Zexion said without looking at the Flurry of Dancing Flames.

"It wasn't my fault!" Axel protested. "You know I can't cook, Zexion."

"Yes, why was Axel given kitchen duty, Superior?" Luxord queried.

"Because I felt like it." Xemnas shrugged as he buttered a roll. "Who else would get it?"

"Probably Marluxia." Roxas scooped some yams on his plate

"No, I was already working on the decorations." Marluxia said.

"And I was helping." Vexen protested.

"Once you got the exploding out of your system." Larxene quipped.

"That's enough out of you, Larxene!" Vexen snapped.

"Demyx, will you stop throwing rolls at me?!" Xigbar shouted.

"Stop throwing things." Xemnas said.

"Demyx, where's your sitar?" Axel asked. "I'll destroy it if you don't start behaving."

"No!" Demyx wailed.

And with that, Organization XIII celebrated their first Thanksgiving. There was obviously no shortage of chaos and paranoia, but somehow, the holiday managed to end with no outstanding damage done to the Castle. But that would be done during another holiday.

**Geez, this is so much worse than what I had originally planned. Ah well. I WILL be working on D&P, but my computer decided to be mental and delete all ofD&P, which really sucks because I had about four pages of the new chapter written. So I have to go back and rewrite everything, which will take time. Anyway, reviews equal love! Thanks for reading!**


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